Sent to Hospital

That phrase seems to enter my vocabulary more and more lately.  Our home health nurse sent me to hospital with Zine one day.  The pediatrican sent us with Chloe a few weeks ago.  And today Chloe's neurologist sent her to hospital.   I have a love hate relationship with this place!  I hate to be here but I love that we have always received excellent care and compassionate nurses.

This girl started with a headache on Sunday.  On Monday her head was worse but not unbearable.  Yesterday her head got to hurting really bad.  She didn't even want to go to art class!  And when she passes up art class you know she is sick!  She stayed in her room basically all day in the dark!  So since I realized we were going down the same path we did a few weeks ago, I called the neurologist.  They told me what to do to try to help her sleep last night.  They saw her this morning!  One look from her neurologist today and she knew Chloe was sick!!

Sunglasses were not even good enough for the ride there.  Once there, she only wanted to lay with her head covered.  I'm thankful that she already has a neurologist that knows her and that we trust!

Dr. said that once a migraine had hung on this long that oral meds were probably not going to do anything for it.  So to get the pain under control she would just need to go to hospital and get some meds to get some relief and then we can treat from home.  And she also worked to try to come up with a plan to try to keep these headaches from getting so bad in the future.

She's such a trooper, especially when it comes to IVs.  I don't even think she flinched!

They started her out with the same drugs as last time.  But they didn't seem to make a bit of difference.  So they gave a second drug and that helped.  Took her pain from an 8 to a 6. Also made her feel drugged.  She just laid in the dark with her eyes closed for hours!  The doctor then suggested us giving her another drug to see if we could get her pain down a little more!  The nurse was surprised that the doctor had ordered this medicine.  She said, this is the big guns!  It was a drug that could lower her blood pressure and cause issues with her heart.  So they were very attentive during that process.  But she tolerated the medicine very well.  And it definitely helped the pain!  When we left her pain was almost gone.  And her sensitivity to the light and to sound was gone!

When you struggle with anxiety and depression already, and then you add drugs that affect the Central Nervous System, it always messes with existing anxiety and depression.  So I am praying against any side effects from the drugs she had today.  Also since she has muscular dystrophy, when she encounters things like this, it just wipes her out afterwards for several days.  Seems like it takes longer to get her strength back!

She's struggling with the fact that she has something else wrong with her.  We are both feeling pretty overwhelmed at learning to live with this.  How much we push, how much we rest, how long is too long, etc.  But I told her on the way home, there was one thing I knew...we would deal with it.  We would figure out how to live life with migraines.  We have figured out how to live with muscular dystrophy and a movement disorder and anxiety and depression...I was certain we would learn to live with even these crazy things!  

I've been working with her on taking thoughts captive.  We can dwell on the bad and imagine all possible bad scenarios.  Or we can choose to trust Jesus and look for the positives.   We have been practicing taking situations and looking at the bad  (which is her default most of the time) but then turning it around and looking for the good in the same situation!  We've also been looking for gratefuls every day!  I remind her of the song, if you keep your eyes on the storm, you will wonder if Jesus loves you.  But if you keep your eyes on the cross, you will know He always loved you.  I think we all need to double check our focus regularly!  Where's your focus today?

Changes

Changes are inevitable.  I love the picture Chloe made for me several years ago.  If life never changed ...there would be no butterflies!

I used to be afraid of changes.  I always thought change was bad!  But if there is something I have learned over the past year and that is not to fear change!  Changes are going to happen.  They are simply a part of life.  Sometimes they happen quickly and sometimes they are a slow gradual change. And sometimes I simply don't like the changes.  They don't scare me but I don't like them.  What I do like though is through changes in life, I like to look for how God has worked and is working in that change process.

As many of you have followed the journey of my family over the past year, it has been nothing but a year of changes!  Many of them heartbreaking!  And today marked a big change in our lives again.

I have loved my job!  I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that God gave me that job!   I loved teaching online.  I loved the opportunities God gave me to pour into the families of the students I had in my class.  I loved helping children that would come to me barely reading and writing and leave fluent readers and writers!  Work was also an escape for me.  When I got really stressed, I would go engross myself in my work for awhile and not think about things going on!

But with everything that went on last year, I missed numerous weeks of work.  When Zine was in the hospital the last time in May, it was decided that I wouldn't go back last year.  I was going to go back on the last day of school to say bye to my students.  During those last couple of weeks, I began to realize how much stress work added to me.  When I say I didn't eat because I didn't have time, that was no exaggeration!   I literally went from teaching to a doctors appoint or a therapy appointment literally almost everyday.  And it would soon be dinner and I hadn't put a thing to eat in my mouth.  Stress was a large culprit for my not eating as well.   And during those last weeks of being off, I realized how my job was playing a role in my poor health.  Also over those last few weeks, I begin to feel God say it was time to come home.  Now, I couldn't imagine giving it up.  I needed my job.  I needed my paycheck.  My husband is on disability.  I desperately needed my paycheck or so I thought!  And I needed my escape.

But I begin to pray about whether I signed another contract for this year.  I'm sure my boss was saying the same prayers!!!  Give me wisdom Lord!  Give me faith!  Help me not make a mistake!  The night before my contract was due which happened to be the last day of school, I was up ALL night praying and wrestling with the decision.  I begin my last day of school asking God to clarify for me what His will was.  And before lunch, God had spoken!  Not audibly but there could have been no other explanation!

About halfway into my class, the home health nurse shows up.  She needs some supplies that I had.  So while still teaching I'm getting supplies for her.  And then she runs into problems.  She needs more help.  And then we need more help because she is sending Zine to the ER.  I literally let my class out early so I could get him to the ER.  It was indeed an emergency.  He had a regular cath and his permanent cath and neither was giving any output.  So we had quite the scare and adventure.  And to this day, no one can really explain what happened and why.  But...it's not happened again.  And in the words of Zine...so all this is your fault!  You asked God to tell you what to do and He did!  And that is exactly how I felt.  God said on the day my contract was due, nope Karen, you are to be caretaker of your family!  And from the ER, I called my boss and said, I'm sorry I'm not signing my contract.  I will admit there were tears on both ends of that phone call!

Talk about a leap of faith.   An identity change for me.  A financial change for my family.  And a second grade teacher that had to be hired at the last minute!  Wow!

I am so grateful for that experience because I have been able to go back to it several times and remind myself that God spoke!  The day I mailed my school books to a new teacher, I sobbed for a couple of hours!  The poor lady in Mailstop will probably always remember me!  But I had an experience to remind myself that no matter how hard it was to mail half of my life away, I was walking in obedience.   Today was the first day of school for FPA.  I was supposed to start a new school year with new students and have a fun day!  That's what I was supposed to be doing today and I'm not.  Feeling quite a bit sad today!  But once again, even in that sadness, I can go back and remember God spoke and I'm walking in obedience.

As far as finances, we are still working on that!  We will get it all figured out and I have no doubt that God will provide and we will make it because I know I am walking in obedience.  I am much healthier than I was.  Nope, I've not gained much weight, but I am healthier.  I do eat some!  My heart is functioning much much better!

And what a sweet gift that God has given me today amidst the sadness of saying goodbye to a season in my life.  I had the blessing of spending this morning with Krisann at Classical Conversations.  Krisann is going to blossom I know.  She has that mommy security that she has so desperately needed.  It is time together for the two of us.  And, not working is letting me give Krisann those fun learning moments.  Unfortunately, while I was working I think she got the boring work and not much fun.  Some of the things we have done already this year...

Biome Polaroids!  This was Krisann's idea.  And she and I had the best time learning and making polaroid pictures!

And we also got a little bit more creative with our rainforest shoe box.

Our most recent project was talking about feudalism.  And it was very quickly that Krisann says this is not fair!  Our king pony has more candy than the other ponies!

Changes are inevitable.  Some are welcome.  Some are not welcome.  But even in those unwelcome changes, if we look for God at work, we will find Him.  Yes, I'm pretty sad today!  But...I've been blessed today to see God at work in our lives!  

And butterflies are beautiful!  Whether they are real, drawn, or made from recycled materials....they are all beautiful!

And the same is true about each of us...whether we are a mom, a homeschool mom, a teacher, a wife, a volunteer, doesn't matter.  And whether we are a dad, a working dad, a dad with a disability doesn't matter.  Each is beautiful.  And God wants us to be beautiful wherever we find ourselves!  And I'm working on finding the beauty in homeschooling Krisann and being a wife and mommy.  I'm finding beauty in being a healthier me!  And I'm finding beauty in trusting God and walking in obedience.  Zine's working on finding beauty in being at home.  Zine's working on finding beauty of not being a working dad.  And Zine is working on the beauty of being a dad with a disability.  Hoping that he will write a blog post soon on his journey of trying to find beauty along the way!

Nope, we're not perfect.  We've not arrived at the most gorgeous places yet!  But we must make choices to look for beauty along the way!

Emotional Table Tennis

I have felt like a terrible mom, friend, wife lately.  Just been feeling like a failure in many areas.   I have heard these words from others..."are you mad at me?  You were very distant today."  "What's going on...you're super quiet today?"  "Why didn't you call me?"  "I thought you didn't want me to come." "I feel like you've changed and I don't know how to respond."  If you know me, I have always been a pleaser!  I have always given and given and given to others,  so to have others say these words to me makes me feel pretty rotten.

Ping pong ball is now bounced to the other side of the table.

But then, I say, well Karen, that should make you feel loved that others want to know if you're mad at them.  You should feel love, not guilt, when people notice you are withdrawn and quiet!  So there's this constant battle in my heart and in my thoughts!

Ping pong ball bounces back to the other side of the table.

My internal thoughts say how can you let your daughter get a horrible headache for DAYS before you sought medical help?  You're a bad mom!  I often feel like a bad wife as my husband wrestles with his own emotions in where we are in this season and I get to be the receiver of anger and frustration.  As Krisann has melt downs and extreme insecurities, I sometimes think what in the world have I done wrong?

Ping pong ball bounces to the other side of the table.

Then I think...how could I have known Chloe was so sick?  I've never had a migraine before.  Really, you love your husband with all your heart.  You're not a bad wife.  And Krisann...she's the product of trauma.  Her entire life has been one trauma after another in the formative years of her life.  Why would you think you have messed up?  You have loved her well.

Ping pong bounces back to the other side of the table.

And then I am back with feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness, etc.

Reminds me of a game we used to play on the Wii.  We had Mario and Luigi Olympic Games.  And that's about how I feel sometimes.

I have decided that instead of letting life bounce me back and forth back and forth, I need to ground myself in the truths of what God says about me.

--I am His creation.  (Gen. 1:27)
--He knows how many hairs are on my head. (Matthew 10:30)  And I am constantly losing hair so that is an amazing fact!
--I am important. (Matthew 10:31)
--I am saved by grace not works. (Ephesians 2:8)  I don't have to perfect my performance for Him!
--I am a new creation. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
--There is no condemnation for me.  (Romans 8:1-2)
--I am being transformed into His image. (2 Corinthians 3:18)  This is a continual process.  A daily process.
--I am empowered with everything required for life and godliness.  (2 Peter 1:3)  I don't have to find more faith or more strength.  He has already given me what I need!
--I am filled with His Spirit.  (1 Corinthians 3:16)
--I have peace.  (Romans 5:1)
--I am loved so much that I was bought, set apart! (1 Corinthians 6:20) (Jeremiah 31:3)
--I was chosen, hand picked!  (John 15:16)
--I am heard. (1 John 5:14-15)
--I am forgiven. (1 John 1:9)
--I have abundant life. (John 10:10)  Not just get through life one day at a time...but abundant life!!
--I am blessed. (Ephesians 1:3)
--I abide in Him, and He in me, and I bear much fruit.  (John 15:5) Once again, I don't bear fruit because I have perfected my performance I bear fruit because I am connected to Him!

So the next time I start getting bounced around like a ping pong ball, I am going to try to stand firm in what God says about me!  Giving up perfected performances is so difficult!!

One More Thing

Since Saturday Chloe has complained of a headache. I could tell she definitely didn't feel well. On Tuesday, we tried to celebrate her bday but she was just sick. I was getting concerned. On Wednesday she still didn't feel good but it was her 16th bday. We had an appt to go take her driving test so she could be a licensed driver. Even with a crazy bad headache and feeling bad, she managed to pass her driving test!!  Yoo hoo!!  But as soon as that was done she just spiraled downhill.  She stayed home while I went to church.  But in the middle of church, I received a text message saying how bad her head hurt.  I went out and called her and realized she was really sick.  So I just gathered my things and headed back home.

After seeing how sick she was and a call to the dr, the pediatrician sent us to the ER.  There we were escorted right to a room.  Her heart rate was exceptionally elevated from the amount of pain she was in.  So the first order of business was to relieve her pain.  And need I say, it was crazy busy for about 30 minutes.  The doctor was in our room before the nurse ever came.  They injected some medicine under neath each eye brow.    I'm just saying....this girl is much braver than her mama!  But I guess if my pain was a 9 on a scale from 1 to 10 like her was I might not care what they did!   And almost immediately that brought relief for a short time period.

Needless to say, a trip to the ER is not the best way to end your 16th bday!

But this is how she spent it.  We arrived at ER around 7:30 and we left around 4 am.  The injections relieved the pain for a little bit but then the pain began to resume.  But at least the break in pain, let them get an IV started, do tons of blood work, etc.

The first vein they were going to use for IV blew.  So they had to go to the other arm which doesn't have great veins.  But thankfully, Chloe was tough once again and let them put an IV in with no numbing medicine at all!  Once again, I'd been making them deaden my entire arm!!  I love that lidocaine stuff they inject to numb it!  Can you tell...I'm allergic to pain?  Really I am!

They then told us they were going to give her some medicine in her IV.  Well, that spiked her anxiety.  I'm thinking anxiety...you let them put needles in your eyelids and you got an IV without any numbing medicine, but just the fact that they are putting medicine into a needle that is already there causes anxiety...really??  But needless to say....it did!  And from that point on, Chloe struggled immensely with anxiety.  She worked really hard through that anxiety!  I was super proud of her.   That medicine didn't seem to help her pain at all.  So they came back with a third medicine that finally settled that girl's pain down!  They gave her some Benadryl and some medicine used to treat migraines.  And that did the trick.  She settled down and even slept for about 30 minutes.  And when she woke up, her pain was gone!  Thank goodness!  They released us on the promise that we would follow up with our pediatrician at 9 am that morning.  So we get home around 4ish and we have to be at pediatrician at 9:00.  That means that we only got about 2 hours sleep that night.  We shall be looking pretty bad in that pediatrician office.  Good thing he's known us for 18 years!!  And I think this look is better than the day I went with a shower cap on my head and a mask on my face!  Sometimes you have to count your blessings in strange ways!!  :-)

Given Chloe's history and her already numerous medications she takes for MD and a movement disorder, he feels for certain that the neurologist needs to be in control of this diagnosis as well.   And not only that, when her body gets worn down, it is much more difficult for her to recover due to her MD.   So needless to say...this feels like one more thing in her life!  I'm praying that this was a one time thing and never happens again.  However, we do know she has the genetic factor for it and she is the right age for migraines to begin.  So...we are concerned this could be something we have to learn to deal with.

Thursday, she sleep all afternoon and all night.  Friday she has been more alive but still stayed in bed most all day!  But she has joined the land of the living occasionally.

But please pray for all of us as we feel like we've been dumped just one more thing to deal with.   We know that we will learn to manage this and we know that God is in control of all things!  But sometimes tired and frustrated and weary is how you feel.  But then, when we feel that way, it doesn't take long for us to look past us and see a need far greater than ours!  So grateful that we have a faith that doesn't fail!  It might be weak and wimpy sometimes but never fails us!    Thank you Jesus for giving us unstoppable faith!

Glad I am here and not there

One year ago at this very moment, my life was spinning out of control.  About this time, the news was delivered in the ER that Zine had bilateral pulmonary embolisms!  Not one but many in both lungs.  And he had saddle emboli which allowed the clots to go from one lung to the other in two different places.  I was worried about his blood counts from his chemo and I remember I kept asking the doctor about his blood counts and what impact this was going to have on his blood counts.  I never will forget she looked at me and said I'm not concerned about that at this point.  At this point, my goal is to keep your husband alive!

We were surrounded by church family until the wee hours of the morning!  About 2 am, we were settled in ICU, had the charge nurse as our very attentive nurse and none of us realized the significance of what was going on around us...or else God just did a magnificent job of protecting us. Guess most people don't spend a week in ICU for no good reason.

And then early morning, the unthinkable happened.  I watched Zine's respiration go down and down and down.  So as you can imagine, as I watched his respirations go down to 9 and then 7 and then 3 times a minute, fear welled in my heart.  I thought my husband was going to leave this earth about 4:00 in the morning.

There are many, many things about that night that I have not voiced at all!  And I believe there are moments that I will never voice!  And if God collects every tear in a bottle, I think he must have had gallon jugs that night.  I am thankful that God spared his life.  The pulmonologist looked at Zine the next afternoon and said I have NEVER seen anyone come in the hospital alive and their lungs be in the shape yours are!  So I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, God sustained Zine's life that night!  I also know beyond a shadow of doubt, I carry pain from that night that will forever be present in my life.  It was definitely a total life changing event in the life of my family!

Little did we know that this was the beginning of a complete year straight from the enemy himself!   This might have been the first night I spent in the hospital with him, but it most definitely has not been the last.  I think in the past year we have spent about 47 days in the hospital or rehab hospital or getting chemo or plasmapheresis.

I wish that no one had to go thru traumatic events.  I wish I could erase several events from the past year.  I wish traumatic events didn't change who we were!  I wish the depths of the pain could have been avoided.  I wish that I would have had more faith.  I wish that I would have handled the past years experiences better than I did.  I wish Zine didn't have MS.  I wish my kids didn't have to see and experience what they have.  I wish I could process pain easier and better.  I wish I had a time machine...I think I'd go back a few years and start all over from there.  Surely the second time would be better!

But then I think, I'm so grateful that tonight I sit in my home, about to crawl in my bed...not sitting in an ER or ICU hospital room.  I'm grateful that although it has felt at times that I have no faith....that my faith still remains today.  I am grateful that in the depths of despair, God has comforted.  I am grateful that although God and I have wrestled greatly (and still do sometimes)...but grateful that He has had so much patience with me.

And then...I'm hopeful.  I'm hopeful that I have been at the lowest point and am now climbing out of the pit.  I am hopeful that my faith has increased so that when the next trial comes, my faith will be stronger.  I am hopeful that God is doing a new thing and that new thing is really good.  I am hopeful that God is orchestrating healing. Healing of emotions.  Healing of physical ailments.  Healing of depression and anxiety.  I am hopeful that I am being transformed to be more like Him.  I think I've been less like Him in the past year than ever.  But I'm hopeful that all the wrestling God and I have done is transforming me for good!  I'm hopeful that God will use our lives to make a difference in others lives.    I'm hopeful that one day Zine Brooks Smith won't have MS.

And tonight, I'm going to bed reliving this night a year ago.  But I'm reliving it with gratitude of all that God has done in the middle of chaos.

Is getting out worth it?

I thought I would share the work and the results of getting out of the house.  Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it.

Zine doesn't get out  much.   I did take him out and we tried him driving last week in the middle of the cold war.  (See Classified Information.)  Since February, he hasn't driven at all.  And that was one of those things that was thrown in my face last week.  And in my tough love phase, I took him out for a trip.  I made him do everything.  I didn't open a door, didn't unlock a door, I didn't do anything!  And it was so hard!!  I even had to tell Krisann she couldn't open the door for her dad.  Oh my...it was heartbreaking.  Verdict he came to...it's not safe for him to drive.  A hard thing to swallow.    And a hard thing for a wife to stand back and watch her husband struggle with a task that he so bad wants to do!  So aside from the fact, that Zine can't go by himself...the whole process of getting out is tiring.

First we have to get dressed shoes and all!  That's step one.  Step two is getting loaded up.

Our sweet blue bus and our steep driveway doesn't go together.  So...for Zine to load up I have to back the bus down into the street.  And then deploy the ramp!

It is not an easy task for him to get loaded and turned around.  Sometimes he rides sideways just because that's easier for short trips.  But to turn around correct way takes some delicate turning!

Then I have to buckle his chair down.  There are four anchors that are inserted into these grooves into the floor of the bus.  Then we attach the straps to tie downs on the wheelchair.  Then on the anchors, we attach seat belts!   So that he is buckled in the wheelchair in the car.  By the point this is all done, I tell the ramp to go in and sit down to drive, I'm ready for a nap (especially when it is 100 degrees outside)!!

The grooves in the floor of our car!

One of the four anchors in the groove attached to the tie downs on wheelchair.

Threading the seatbelt from the floor up to the wheelchair.

Finally in and buckled down!

We did this process yesterday as I was going to take Zine to meet a friend for lunch!  Well, his friend got tied up and wasn't able to  make it...so since Zine and I were almost there...we decided to just have a lunch date ourselves.  Thank goodness it was a mexican food restaurant so I could have my bean burrito!!!  And I got to eat beside this little guy!  I just loved him! 

We drove to restaurant, ate lunch, and drove home.  And just that is exhausting to my husband.  He immediately gets in his chair and sleeps for several hours with something as short as a lunch outing.  (Yes, he keeps a ball between his legs a lot.  We are trying to keep those legs stretched out because their natural tendency is to stick together and that makes getting dressed really hard.  I'm sure the day is coming that the ball won't work but for right now, we both think it is prolonging that day!)

On Sunday, we went to church (not Sunday School, just church).  We stayed and had lunch afterwards.  And Zine slept all afternoon.  He actually told me when we got home that he didn't finish his lunch because his arms got so weak that he didn't even feel like he could lift them up anymore.  And the day he asks me to put a fork in his mouth...well folks...that will be a heart breaking day to say the least!!  I think he will starve before he asks for that!  

So...one often wonders...is getting out worth all the effort?  Sometimes I want to say no because it's easier to stay home.  But other times, it is worth getting out because we have children that need that stability in their lives.  They need us to go to church with them.  That's what families do.  They need family together times!  They need us to participate in some of their events! So until the day comes when we just can't we will continue to get out at times despite the difficulty.  And...my sweet hubby who is quite the social butterfly loves people!  When we first come home from a hospital stay, we have lots of folks visiting.  Right now it's quiet.  I am definitely not saying I want my husband to go back to hospital though!!!  Sometimes I just think I should set up a visitation schedule for this guy!  I know he gets so tired of this house and us people!!

We have taken for granted the ease of getting in a car and going somewhere!  The next time you quickly get in the car to run an errand, be thankful that you have the ability to get in your car and not have to go through a 20 minute process just to leave!  Also, I took for granted all the times my husband stopped by the store for me on his way home from work!  I miss that!   Ladies, if your husband runs errands for you...don't take it for granted!  Give your husbands big hugs and much gratitude for their simple acts of service to you!  

Of Course!

My sweet friend in the hospital with her hubby has coined this phrase.  Of course it is.  When one thing happens right after she says of course!  Why would we expect things differently.  But she does so with such sweet attitude.  Life is just trying sometime.

If you read my post "Some Things Should Be Classified" you understand the funny crazies we had yesterday.  It was 11:30 before Zine and I finally got in bed.  And let me just say, it's a good thing I have more than one throw up bucket.    Because at 12:30 Krisann got up sick sick sick.  This child threw up once to twice an hour from 12:30 until 6:00 am when she finally settled down.  She has a fever and feels very rotten!  So...of course that means I slept NONE last night!

So I cancelled my doctors appointment today so that I could be here with sweet Krisann.  She has been really sick!

Good thing I did.  Because of course, something else happened today!  I had Chloe go pick up the cath bag today.  So Zine was going to ride with her.  She gets her license on the 10th!  But for a few more days, we have to ride with her.  And goodness gracious...Zine proved just how talented he is!
We know he can run over my foot, but he was talented enough to run over his own foot.

Zine Smith does not complain of pain but on a scale from 1 to 10 it was an 8 today.  He didn't have his feet on his feet rest and as he was driving down the driveway he got his foot caught on the concrete and he kept going and got his foot all bent up underneath his wheelchair.  YOUCH!!!

So I called our primary doctor and he suggested just taking him on to the ER.  Well, the ER...there wasn't a place to sit!  So I decided to see if I could get him in at American Family Care.  He was hurting so bad I wasn't about to sit for hours in that ER.  So in just about a half hour before they closed we got in at American Family Care.  That place rocks!!  They didn't take my insurance but I didn't care!!  X-rays did not show any major breaks.  We have to wait on radiology to look at it before we know for sure.

But for tonight he is in his bed with his foot raised and ice on it!  He's had some pain medicine and the pain is better controlled.  He can't bear any weight so we are back to using the transfer board!  Good thing we learned how to use that board!  It is coming in very handy!

And the little girl is feeling a bit better tonight.  Still not talking or moving!  But not throwing up!!  Please pray that her fever doesn't go up any higher and continue to pray that no one else gets this virus!  And pray that we can get some sleep tonight!!!!!!  That will make this mama feel better I know! And pray for the muscle spasms in Zine's legs to settle and that pain to be relieved!

Of course this is our crazy life.  Of course things always happen like this!  Of course it gets tiring!  Of course I need two of me sometimes!  But of course, God always has grace and mercy for us in each and every circumstance!