24 hours post chemo

Yesterday went smooth at the doctors office!  We didn't have to wait hardly at all!  We went in, they called us within 5 minutes of arriving, we went to infusion center where they accessed his port and drew blood.  Then we went to a room and saw the oncologist!  What a sweet fella!!  He simply wants to do something to help!  He wants to make Zine better as well.  And when doctors are not succeeding, it makes them sad!  I think I'd rather see the professional have it all together side of doctors!  But then you miss out on compassion that these doctors truly have for their patients!  We then headed back to infusion center afterwards for chemo!  God blessed us over and over again from more than one person that texted and said can we bring you lunch...to some that actually came and saw us there to dinner being prepared for us!  Not to mention all those that were praying for us.  We were blessed tremendously in the chemo mess!

At 6:00 yesterday Zine said he needed nausea meds.  And we have had to rotate medicine to keep his nausea under control.  But between two different drugs, the nausea is controlled.  Zine did work a few hours today.  But he's been home all afternoon.  Right now he is getting some much needed physical rest!  He just feels completely wiped out!!  Neither of us slept well last night.  He slept better than me but he still didn't sleep well!

Last night, Conner had mowed for someone up the street and he was pushing the lawnmower up into the garage with his foot after he had finished mowing and the lawnmower was evidently not rolling in the garage as he desired.  He remembers thinking why am I pushing this with my foot when I have hands.  He wasn't thinking, reached down, and says I heard my fingers sizzle and then I remembered why I was pushing it with my foot!  His three fingers were burnt tremendously bad.  I don't know that I have ever seen my boy hurt so bad!  It was breaking my heart.  Not to mention, it had been a bit stressful anyway!!  But even in that stressful moment, God gave me people to calm my heart, a doctor who had lots of emergency medicine experience, and a pharmacist at 9:30 at night who was super duper helpful!  We did not walk that experience alone for sure.

But folks, I just will be real...right now...we are weary!  Really??  Could we have an allergic reaction to medicine with horrible hives for Krisann, a 6 year old on steroids now, chemo for Zine, burnt fingers for Conner, and a surgery for Chloe all in one week??!!  Feeling a bit, no a lot, overwhelmed and just simply put--weary!  We still see God working in our lives--providing us strength and encouragement but we are weary!  And I just want to scream...what are we doing wrong?  What are we supposed to learn?  And we can't figure out the answer to either of those questions.

I have cried a lot the past three days!  I really hate it when that happens!  Doesn't take much, just look at me the right way and I cry.  Sometimes I cry when I'm doing something mindless.  I really really hate it when I cry!  I have an aversion to tears so I try to avoid them.  But I think, these tears have built up for so long that once they started coming, they won't stop!  Surely, surely, they are about out!!  But I keep reminding myself I have had more than one thing stealing my emotional energy this week!  Sooooooo glad that this week is almost done!!!

A little humor from today...Zine has been using a walker inside our house so we don't unload his wheelchair from the car inside.  Well, he is to the point that he is needing his chair inside the house.  His ability to move around with a walker is becoming increasingly more difficult and has become really unsafe for him!  So we had talked about how he could be independent and where he could park to load and unload in our driveway.  What neither of us took into consideration was that when you come off the ramp on our steep driveway what happens!  Thankfully, Zine stayed upright in his chair but he ended up in the road!  Sure am glad the mail lady didn't run over him as he took his little skid down the driveway!  :o)  So...needless to say...we have been back outside parked and reparked Big Blue to try to find a way for him to be able to unload on his own.  It's definitely not a safe or perfect scenario....but sometimes you do what you have to do!  Too bad, I didn't capture that moment with my camera!!