Nightmare in Real Life

If we have ever lived a nightmare...it has been since Sunday at 5:30.  At noon, Zine arrived home from church and said I feel horrid.  Please fix me something to drink.  Maybe I'm dehydrated!  I gave him lots of glasses of water and lemonade.  Fixed him some lunch.  He went to sleep and three and half hours later he woke up.  He got up, rolled himself to the bathroom, and then came back to where I was.  Once again, he looked at me and said, Karen, I feel horrid!!  So I began to question what he was feeling and took his fever and blood pressure.  I quickly discovered his heart rate was high.  Got my Cancer Center paperwork to see what needed to be done.  Followed my instructions and called the oncologist answering service.  Within 4 minutes, the doctor called me back.  Asked me lots of questions and recommended a trip to the ER with Zine.  He told me on the phone he was worried Zine had a blood clot.  I thought he was wrong!!

We arrived at the hospital, waited just a few minutes to get into triage and then we were placed first for the next room that was available in about 3 minutes!  From that point on, it was CRAZY!!

Details are all mixed up in my head so I might not get them in right order.  But there was lots of blood work, chest X-rays, ultrasounds, and all those were done what seemed to be very quick!  Then the doctor returns and tells us they need to do a CAT scan.  There was a test called the d dimer test that was EXCEPTIONALLY elevated and that was indeed indicators for blood clots.  So immediately almost they took him to CAT scan.  And within minutes of returning Zine to the room the doctor reappeared.  Much faster than any doctor ever reappears at the ER!!  This time she pulls up the stool and sits down.  I've decided that's a bad sign!!  She proceeds to tell us that Zine has  multiple blood clots in his lungs.  They are moving him to ICU.  The question was she didn't know if they would keep him here.  He may have to be transferred to Huntsville.  I beg to stay in Madison!  She said she had to call the ICU doctor and see if they would be comfortable with him staying here.  Thankfully, he said Zine could stay here!

The next minutes were absolutely horrid.   I asked questions and the dr looked at me and said this is a matter of life and death.  We will not worry about future things.  I remember people coming.   I remember my son falling into my arms trying to be strong for his mama!  I remember coming up to ICU.  I remember I felt VERY loved by our friends!!

Now you would think if life is a matter of life and death the person would be non responsive.  Oh no, Zine was talking even on his possible deathbed.  He is rolling to ICU and I'm not sure what he's saying but he's making people laugh and his mouth is going!

About 3:00 things settled down.  Visitors were all gone.  It was me, him, and our nurse!  About 4ish, I watched as I was pretty certain my husband was about to leave this world.  When his vitals became not nearly as stable and his respirations went down to 3 I was pretty certain the end was near.  But God had different plans!  I am totally confident that God sustained his life that night!

What we know now, is that the doctors have NEVER seen someone with lungs like his alive!  We know that in the medical world multiple means too many to count!!  It means his lungs are FULL of clots.  We know that when clots enter the lungs that they typically think they've found a home and they stay there.  The amazing thing is over the past month or so he's been developing blood clots and they've been traveling from his legs to his lungs and no where else!!  A miracle for sure!   I'm totally confident chemo saved his life in an unimagineable way.  If he had not just had chemo I would have never taken him to the ER.  Only because he had chemo and I thought his blood counts were low did I call!  Zine asked the doctor if I had not made him come to the hospital, would he have died?  The doctor said most definitely! We know that we can look back at little details and are confirmed over and over again that we were in a very serious situation and confident that we received a miracle.  Not the one we have been praying for but most definitely understand that God does still work miracles!

As of this morning, we have a plan in place.  Now 5 more days here sounds like a daunting task...but we can do it!  But even going home is going to be hard because we seriously have to look at how we do life in a safer way than we have been doing it!!  But I'm sure there will be grace for those moments as well.

I would love to say that we are fine and wonderful!  But we would still LOVE for this cup of MS to pass away from us!  I am still emotional and so is Zine I just show mine more than he shows his!  We are still overwhelmed feeling.

Not the most favorite picture I've ever seen of us!  But exceptionally grateful that this guy is here and he was even willing to take a picture!!!