Christmas, ER, and Christmas Again

We have celebrated Christmas, had an ER trip the day after Christmas and ringing in the New Year sitting in our living room waiting for bedtime...which will most definitely be before New Years.  I feel like I have not had time to think much less write.

Christmas was quiet.  I didn't even take many pictures!  But I did get a few to capture some of the things I like the most about Christmas!

Krisann and her Christmas make up job
definitely makes me smile!

Wilder loves Candy Canes!
This cracks me up!

First of all, I have been having some quality girl time with a friend who has been teaching me to do some wood working!  I can't wait to finish this project with her!!  Krisann will be so excited when I am done!   So leading up to Christmas, I spent a lot of time working on this project in hopes to have it done by Christmas.  But on the 23rd, I finally realized it wasn't going to happen!  So on Christmas Day, I did reveal my work to Krisann!  She will have a new bed soon!!  But this consumed a lot of my time!

Christmas Eve is also one of my favorite times.  That is my family time.  I have fond memories of growing up going to my Aunt Chloe's house every Christmas Eve!  For the past three years, it has just been us and Christmas Eve has become our family time.  We haven't always done the same thing but we've always focused on family.  I love the candlelight service we have at our Christmas Eve service.   I just love the warm glow of candles and soft music. 

  

Another favorite of mine and our kids...the Christmas gift card extravaganza.  We started last year buying gift cards ahead of time and delivering them to the workers at gas stations near our house.  This year we had a few more so we blessed some firemen as well.  In the Mapco near our home, a young black African man told us how he had to get his young children up at 4 am so they could have Christmas so he could then come to work.  He went on to say we made him glad he came to work!  The smiles, the disbelief on those gas station cashiers faces were priceless.  The impact on our hearts...priceless as well!

Which one will the cashier choose?

Leaving a Mapco after blessing some workers!

Christmas fun was soon over as home health made Zine go to the ER on the 26th.  On Christmas Eve, we woke up with a cath bag pretty red instead of the nice yellow color it usually is.  Zine and I deliberately waited until the 26th to call.  We thought we would wait until Monday and then just go to the dr.  Well, as luck has it, the doctors were all still off on Monday.  With two full days of red cath bags, a husband who had quit talking and was white as a ghost, I called home health.  And they said he really needed to go to ER.  So we spent 7 and half hours in ER the day after Christmas.  Only to confirm what we already suspected...a severe UTI.

Yes we wore our masks in the ER to try to avoid other germs!

Just hanging out in one of his least favorite places!

They gave him a high powered antibiotic while we were there in the ER and then let us come home!  

On the 29th and 30th, we made a trip to Collierville to my brother's house.  It is super nice to be able to have my family there.  There's plenty of space.  It's a short trip.  But nevertheless, it was super super difficult for Zine.  Although his wheelchair will go in the house, it is not accessible.  My brother does all he can to ensure everything is accessible...from making a ramp to giving up his bedroom.  But there's not a commode that is easily accessible, there is no accessible shower, etc.  And from the last time we were there until this time, Zine's abilities have definitely changed!  It was super duper difficult! 

These two guy are my some of my faves!

I'm not as short as they make me look!

My relationship with my brothers has grown over the past few years.  My oldest and I have grown a lot closer than we ever have been.  He has come to my rescue and been a part of my family since moving nearby.   Love him!  And my other brother has always held a special place in my heart!  God has really changed the dynamics of our relationship in the past few months and I am excited about what God is going to do in the next year.  Love both of my brothers!  But....they sure do make me look short!  And of course all three of us were super sensitive to the fact that our time with mom is short.  No one uttered the sentence but I know it was in all our minds...is this the last Christmas we have with mom?  Bless her heart!  She would be soooo sad to know what has happened to her mind!  I sure am glad there are no tears in heaven because if there were, I'm certain my mom would have them over what her mind has become!  She's so pitiful!  And I'm very challenged in knowing how to love her well!  I feel like we are blindly walking this road with our parents and hoping we somehow do it right!  We definitely cherish your prayers for wisdom!

Opening presents! 

Fidget quilt Chloe and I made!

My dad has difficult task care taking.  He does most of it well.  There are those areas that he doesn't shine in...but I hope I love Zine Brooks Smith as much as he loves my mom!

And then Chloe and I (mostly Chloe) made my mom a fidget quilt.  It was a last minute decision to do this.  There's velcro, beads to move around, a button to maneuver into a pocket, flowers to touch and pull and rub, a buckle to open and close and a tree to feel beads and braids!  I was super proud of this work.  Hopefully, it will be something that my mom can put in her lap during the cold days to come!

So this brings our Christmas to a close.  All that is left, taking the Christmas Decorations down!  And I am ready!  I have been so busy and so out of routine, I feel very scattered.  So I am looking forward to bringing some routine and organization around here in the next couple of days!

Too long since my last post...

Since my last post...

I spent a week in Arkansas with my parents.  It was a good week but a difficult week.  My mom definitely was not well.  You know music is supposed to soothe Alzheimer's patients.  So one night, I even found myself right up in that bed with my mama, rubbing her head, and singing to her!  I wonder how many times she did that for me when I was growing up?  However, when I found Dawn  dishwashing soap in my sour cream, I didn't sing too sweetly.  I actually just had to smile!  I will probably always remember singing to my mama and I will probably always remember Dawn in my sour cream!  I was blessed to be with them for a week!  I was blessed that I got to meet all the workers from Hospice!  And I got to be there to interview and hire a new CNA.  Departing was actually difficult!  It sure crushed my heart that I had to leave them there!

Here my sweet parents working a puzzle.  Tried to engage my mom a bit!

Sour cream with blue dawn dishwashing liquid.

But I had to return to my family!  I left all of a sudden and didn't prepare them for my departure.  The boys made it fine but Chloe missed her mama.  Chloe has been so sick the past few months that she just needs her mama nearby!  Please pray for her as we continue to battle headaches.  She's also had walking pneumonia and just been quite a sick girl!

I think this was her very first breathing treatment!

Here's my headache sick pale face girl!

Krisann went with me to Arkansas and did very well until the last day.  Then I think she had had all the stress she could take!  But I so enjoyed my sweet girl being with me.  We returned home just in time for her to have dress rehearsal and participate in her Christmas musical at church!  She had started on anxiety meds but it was making her VERY impulsive.  So we weaned her off of that and started on a new one.  3 and half weeks on new med and she woke up one morning this past week like a different child.  Impulsive and uncontrollable!  So...we have now taken that sweet girl off of anxiety meds.  We are going to try to treat her anxiety with other means.  I am so sad that she has such anxiety in her life.  But...living with an uncontrollable and impulsive child is not very awesome either.  So pray for us that we can learn to help her manage her anxiety well.

Love this girl!  God knew I needed her!

Lastly, Zine has had a difficult week this week.  He woke up Monday morning with his shoulder really bothering him.  We don't know what is wrong with it.  We thought maybe he slept wrong on it. But here we are at the end of the week and it's not any better.  Could be MS related.  But I think we are going to have to get it checked out just to make sure.  But poor guy...when your mobility is very limited and you lose the use of one arm...it makes it very difficult.  So yes Wednesday morning this is how I started my day...

No, he's not taking a nap in the floor!

Despite his and mine best effort, he fell with us trying to transfer from his wheelchair to his recliner chair.  But it's truly amazing how God orchestrates details.  Conner was having his weekly accountability meeting with Will.  So I called Conner to come home and help me get Zine up and who else came...Will!  I was so thankful!  I just sat down in the floor and rubbed Zine's head and talked to him while we waited for some help! Thankful he wasn't hurt and for two strong guys to pick him up!

I decided on Wednesday after we got him settled in his chair that we would put some heat on his shoulder to see if that would help!  So over the course of the day I heated the rice bag up 3 different times.  I heated the bag exactly like Chloe and I use it!  However, Wednesday night when he took his shirt off to get ready for bed, Chloe realized that he had a sore on his back.  So I looked and was immediately horrified.  It wasn't a sore...it was a burn!  My rice bag at some point had burned him!  I felt so terrible!!  And it wasn't like a red skin burn.  It was...a blister burn!

He says, "My wife abused me!"  "She burnt me with an iron!"
Good thing people know better!!

Needless to say, the last thing we need is for this burn to get infected.  He already has a UTI and a yeast infection which I found out about on this same Wednesday!!  So off I go at 11 pm to get nonstick pad to put over this burn in effort to keep it clean and dry!  I was so thankful for a place that was open 24 hours a day!!  I made it a point to be extra nice to the folks working in the store!

Never mind it's 11:20 at night!

OPEN 24 hours a day!  Thank you Jesus!

I could go into many more details  But these are glimpses into what has been going on!  My plate has been full the past two and half weeks.  I finally just put up our Christmas tree last night!  I have been pretty anxiety driven myself in a lot of ways.  I have also been super sad!  My mind has played over and over again, my last night home with my mom when she was so distraught and confused.   I am also back to sharing my bed most nights with my 7 year old.  I have often felt overwhelmed and thought what else God?  Wednesday my car was in the shop, my internet and phone were out, my husband fell, my oldest girl has a horrid headache, my 7 year old is coming off anxiety meds yet again, a couple whom we love dearly is fighting for their marriage today, and now I have burned my husband.  Really...what else shall I need to handle today Jesus?

BUT...

In the middle of all this chaos, God has given me strength.  He has given me wisdom.  He has overflowed my heart with love for those in my path.  He has given me confidence that my mom is in good hands with hospice and my two sitters.  He has protected me from many enemy attacks because He knew I was having weak moments!  He has provided human touches just at the right time.  Even when I was in Arkansas, God sent me His love through people!  He has allowed me to never feel out of control or stressed that I had too much going on and couldn't handle it.  (well, except for Wednesday night) And He has allowed me to see life through grateful eyes!  This time last year I was in a huge battle with God.  I think over the last year God has grown me in unbelievable ways!!  Despite all our chaos and heartaches, God has given us a deeper faith!  I think the chaos and heartaches is what has developed in us a deeper faith!  And I am choosing to look in the past and see that God has been faithful in every detail.  So why not trust that since He has been faithful in the past that He will be faithful in the future.  He will be faithful to help us parent our children in difficult times.  He will be faithful in decisions regarding Chloe's health.  He will be faithful in preparing us for whether we repeat the next round of chemo!  He will be faithful to care for my parents.  He will be faithful no matter what!  Can't I just rest in that...God will be faithful no matter what...I just must trust!

My Mom and Very Hard Decisions

I don't normally post about my parents.  But this post is devoted to them.  I want to use my blog today to communicate to folks about a part of my life that many don't get to hear about!

My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease 7 years ago.  It has been quite an adventure! I asked the doctor about life expectancy when she was diagnosed.  I was told that no one could predict but the doctor predicted 7 years!  And here we have surpassed the 7 year mark by a few months!

These past few months my mom's health has declined pretty rapidly.  I made a trip to be with them back in October for a week.  My dad has had his plate full to say the least!

Over the past few months my mom has lost about 40 pounds.  Her mind has gotten worse.  She has also had some other health issues going on as well.  Some intestinal problems.  Several UTIs.

Last night about 11 my dad called me to tell me he had taken my mom to the ER and I needed to talk to the nurse! Over the course of the next two hours, I had two conversations with the nurse and I made some very difficult decisions.  Actually, I think my mom made the decisions years ago, I just chose to say it is time to follow advance directives.  So I instructed the nurse that yes she could give my mom fluids and do blood work.  But nothing else.  No GI testing.  No Cat Scans.  No MRIs.  Nothing!  We will no longer take measures to sustain my mom's life.  We are not going to figure out what is going on in her intestinal track.  My mom will go home fully hydrated!  But from this point forward, we will focus on treating symptoms and making her comfortable!  We will love and care for my mom well!

No matter how much you think you are ready for this decision, when you speak it out loud, it is a heartbreaker.  But beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know that it is the right decision!  My mom knows Jesus.  Her future is secure!  And there is a day when her mind will work, her body will work, and she will talk coherent sentences.  Yes, there is a sadness that comes with this decision for family.  And yes, there is somewhat an overwhelmed feeling as well. But there is a place of healing and wholeness for mom in the future and that's hard to be sad about!

My mom will be released most likely tomorrow from the hospital and will be going home.  She will be under the care of hospice.  We will be hiring a CNA to work alongside our sitter so that my dad has help 7 days a week.  Please understand, this does not mean I expect my mom to die in days or weeks.  There is nothing that leads me to believe that is true.  Her vital signs are good.  They have been off due to dehydration but are leveling out with fluids.  I can't predict what her future holds.  What I do know, is that hospice will provide much needed resources for our family.  They will help us love well in the last season of my mom's life.  And they will remove some aloneness for my dad as he cares for my mom!  She is alert, smiling today, and feeling much better.  She wanted our wonderful sitter to put her clothes on today!  That means she's ready to take flight!  Good thing there's an alarm on that bed of hers!

I decided I wanted to go ahead and write a short update on my mom so that others will not be left to make assumptions.   My dad and I talked about this and thought it was a wise decision!   Is my mom in the last season of her life...yes.    Is she on her death bed today...no.   We can not predict what her future holds.  We can not predict the number of her days.  She may have three weeks and she may have six months, heck, she might have a year!  We simply don't know.  We will also never know what is causing the extreme intestinal problems.  Nor will we know how those health issues will impact her life span!  But we will love well!  I told my dad today that it is somewhat overwhelming to look to the days ahead.  But instead we are going to look back and see God's faithfulness in the past and walk confidently knowing that He will be faithful in the season to come.  We believe this is the best decision for my mom!  And we believe that this is my mom's desire to not prolong life any longer!  And in this season, we believe that God's grace is sufficient!  And in this season, I am so grateful for my dad's strong faith!

As far as ministering to my parents, they need lots of prayers.  You can pray for the changes over the next few weeks as we will have a new CNA joining our care family and hospice coming on board as well!  My dad is going to have to change his way of doing things and that is going to be hard.  It's just plain different to have someone else living with you most all the time!  You can pray for my dad's sadness to be met with some wonderful compassion.   And pray that we would all walk in confidence that our decision is a good decision and not spend our time second guessing ourselves or wondering if we should do things differently.  I want us all to walk in confidence knowing we are implementing my mom's desires!  Practically speaking, my dad loves visitors!  So anytime you want to stop by you are welcome to.  My dad could use some encouragement to get out as well.  Ask him to meet you for coffee or lunch or go to a Bible study with you.  He is going to have more help in a week or so and he is going to be able to venture out a little bit more.  I'm sure he needs encouragement to do that!  He doesn't do well getting out these days!  And I forsee that being even more difficult in the coming season.  Also, feel free to surprise them with some treats on occasion!  I've never known my dad to turn away food!  :-)  My mom isn't eating much these days!  But I've never known her to turn away cookies or lemon cake.  Hmmm....I wonder where I got my love for those two items!!  Those are the things that pop right to the top of my mind when I think about others loving them well!

So my Foreman and family peeps....please know our hearts and the facts of where we are.  We don't want dad to have to face rumors!  Nor do we want to leave people wondering what is going on as that causes rumors!  So please don't let the word hospice scare you!  Hospice is a wonderful program and it is a good thing for our family!  And hospice doesn't mean my mom is going to die in the next week!  It simply means we have more support and more help in this place!  But do let the word hospice cause your heart to be quickened to pray for this season of life for my family!