Inside the House (behind the walls)

I wrote this quite some time ago but it never got published. By some time ago I mean November! The truly sad thing is that I could have written it this week with only minor changes.

You have likely been reading here for a while and have gotten a fair view from Karen about the life she lives and a lot of the struggles of our home. The struggles are deep and ongoing. Sometimes Karen and I are not on the same page and that makes the struggles almost overwhelming and hopeless. We get on different pages when I have a particular view of what is best and least impactful on the family and Karen has another.

Discussion. Discussion. Discussion. All of us who are married have heard this advice for marriage unity and happiness. Like most married couples, we forget this wisdom until everything comes to a head and the wisdom must be applied or the union falls apart. I thank God that we have never let the union fall. Though it is often the hardest action taken, responding to an olive branch offer of open conversation with the one you love positively is the greatest act of growth and healing for the marriage union.

We found ourselves there again recently. I missed the first olive branch (that I know of). Thankfully she was loving enough to present another. I don't see what most would consider obvious. She has taken much time and effort over our entire relationship to help me see. This time I received and engaged in a very difficult discussion about our union, MS, what I see as the war against MS, the collateral damage from how I was fighting that war, what Karen sees as the war, how she sees fighting the war and what we can do to defend the union together in this war. I had done deep damage to her. I had taken damage from her.

Like all damage, healing doesn't happen in a moment. We are now both damaged people, damaged by each other but who love each other deeper than the damage. It is very difficult for me to recover from causing damage. It exceptionally difficult for me learn that my way isn't the best for me, others, or anyone really.

It is really difficult to attempt to change course when the changes that you think you have made are not observed or trusted. That makes for a hard relationship to grow and heal in. Thus the long and difficult road of unity. I know that this road isn't a dead end. I know that I have a companion that is committed to the journey. This gives me hope.