Unexpected Appointments

'You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good' -- Joseph (inevitably 50.20 NLT)


I have come to believe that when the Satan chooses to act, seeking to steal, kill, and destroy with his plans; the יְהוָה, Who is our God, cheers as His good for us is revealed to us, correcting our concepts regarding ourselves and Him.  Is that wordy enough?  Let me try to explain with an occurrence from today.

I have a relatively new shower chair (~1 week).  A wheelchair shower chair.  It is very impressive almost to the level of intimidating.  With Karen's help, I have discovered a way to transfer, dry off, get dressed, etc. to use this new inevitably thing.  Last night I determined to find a new method for one small point that was disturbing me about it.  The chair needs to be pushed further into the shower after I have transferred onto the changing bench.  Previous to last night I had simply pushed the chair while seated further into the shower.  inevitably it was pushed too hard and would run into the end of the shower with a wonderful 'THUD'.

It was time for that to be corrected.  Rather than following protocol, I adventured to follow a different method that would 'place' the shower wheel chair in the shower rather than push.  This would remove the 'THUD'.  I had a great idea.  It would work!  It would be PERFECT and everyone would be happy and I would be impressed with myself!  What could go wrong? Murphy.  Murphy is what could go wrong.

In my planning I forgot that the floor would be wet, the grab handles would be wet and my hands would  be wet.  Those three things do not play well into my wonderful plan.  Plan broken.  Idea undone.  Pride crushed.  Fall taken.  Bad.  Bad.  Bad.  Then Satan had stolen (self concept of worth), killed (my hope), and destroyed (my desire to not impact my wife with my disease).

Taking blood thinners now since the wonderful days of hospital stay (24 hours post chemo) now creates issues with any fall.  The fall wasn't what I would consider far or hard, but I did have a mark and a bruise last night.  Karen marked the extent of the bruise with a sharpie and checked it again right before going to sleep.  Nothing looked too troubling.

As the day began today Karen was very interested in the area that I fell on (my lower left hip).  She noted that the bruise on the surface was not appreciably bigger but that there was a significant knot and it was very warm to touch.  Calls were made.  Conversations were had.  (Not really including me, mind you, but between Karen, the doctor's nurse and the doctor.  I really shouldn't be included in those conversations given my past.)  I was given an appoint for today for an X-Ray to be taken to determine if the bleeding was anything that needed to be dealt with.  Yeah, another medical thing.  Another schedule impact for Karen on a busy day.  Another drain on finances.  The reason?  The person typing and the disease he has.  Steal.  Kill.  Destroy.

I was at the Imaging Center for the X-Ray today. I expected to hate the whole thing. I didn't want an X-Ray. I didn't want to cause Karen's day upset. I didn't want to spend the money due to my stupidity.  Karen checked me in and within minutes we were called back for registration. ID. Insurance card. Standard questions regarding advanced directive. Lame joke from me about how much better Karen's life would be with out me. Standard stuff from me to pass the time. The lady typing wasn't impressed. She called me out for my words and how my words caused great pain in my wife. She called me our for what I said and believed about myself, my wife, my family and my God. She looked me in my eyes and told me that she could see the hurt, pain and anger that I kept in my heart. She looked me in the eyes and told me that I was loved. I was loved by my wife. I was loved by my family. I was loved by God. God loves me. She repeated several times that I was loved. I was loved. I was loved.

I sat there and cried like a little girl. This was not what I had appointment for. I came to have an X-Ray for a mistake I made. God had an appointment for me that was different. He had placed a sister in Christ to speak his words of truth and life to me. Truth that I wasn't willing to receive from my family or friends. Truth about who I was. Truth about what I was doing when I did not believe my wife and her love. How she needs me and wants me to be with her for as long as possible. I am not a weight on her or a trouble. I was hearing my Father speak audibly through a 50 year old African American lady who did not know me but knew me deeply.

I have never experienced my God that way before. I am overcome by what I was told, how I was told and how I was encouraged. My God loves me. My family loves me and I am not a weight on their life. I am a blessing to my family and they like me around. God loves me. God likes me. I am important and not a burden.

Not the appointment I had scheduled for today.