Overwhelmed by Santa

There's been very few times in my life when I have been utterly speechless...tonight was one of those. There was this Santa...red suit, black belt, I think he had a beard! I have no clue if he had black boots or not. But...he was standing at my car in the parking lot with presents. Just about the time I was about to turn and run the other way...he started walking towards me and began talking to Krisann. It's a dog gone good thing I had Krisann with me or else I would have probably had a come apart moment. I am truly hoping there were no hidden cameras around. I'm afraid that Santa had an undercover video recorder or something!! Oh how I hope there is not a Santa cam!!

So after a few moments of having no clue what to do Santa says well can you open your trunk and let's see about getting these gifts in here. But remember, you can't open them until Christmas. So In my non functioning moment Santa loads presents into my car. And then hugs me and walks away. He said some more things but I can't remember. I drive up to get my big kids and you can only imagine the conversations that ensued after they had to ride home holding gift bags. And Zine's response was similar to mine Speechless. I told him it could always be worse...you could be standing in a parking lot with a Santa giving you these presents. At least it was your wife!! I called a friend and asked if she knew and she didn't. She kept saying Santa?? I was like yeah the guy in the red suit!! So I have no information about this Santa.

And there wasn't just a few presents...there were 5 bags like this!!

So we have gifts under our tree. I still don't know from whom they came other than Santa nor the story behind the gifts. An hour or so later still overwhelmed and speechless I take Krisann to bed. We always pray together. I literally was having issues getting words out. I prayed out loud and just said I was overwhelmed. I prayed that I thought I was supposed to say thank you for that Santa. And Krisann interrupted me and you can hear for yourself what she said!

After taking Krisann to bed, I come back to Living Room and discover this scene.

This is a picture of Chloe crying because she didn't need anything for Christmas! And that was Zine giving everyone a lesson on what it means to receive gifts we could never even imagine. So thankful for him taking up that conversation last night! My pastors wife told me last night to overflow with praise and thanksgiving....after she laughed at my situation with Santa! :o) Now...let me just say God has been at work in my life the past few months. He's been doing a work and it has not always been pretty. There have been many tears, struggles, and heartaches. An unbelievable life over the past month to say the least from a medical perspective...doctors, surgeries, new meds, chemo some of it all came in the matter of 1 week! Overwhelmed at times...most definitely! I have sat in the floor of my 5 year old's room and sobbed...because it happened to be a moment that this mamma just lost it! I have made dashes to the bathroom because my nerves were about to overflow from my mouth. I have seen darkness and it's not very heartwarming! But from one who loves to give and not receive...the past month has come with many challenges for me personally. I have had a friend who literally has reminded me to breathe in moments when my emotions were overflowing! I have had people babysit Krisann, cook meals, clean my house, and take Chloe to get her allergy shots. I have opened envelopes with checks, cash, and gift cards that have made me cry and wonder how in the world I could ever write all the thank you notes and repay the kindness that has been shown! But last night in my complete shock, I was totally overwhelmed with emotion. I wanted to overflow with praise and thanksgiving but instead I struggled. I struggled with feeling guilty. We are needy...but not that needy! I don't want people going to all this fuss over us. These struggles in our lives aren't going away in the next few months unless God works a miracle. My flesh says...don't wear yourself out! I think I've let God tear down the walls of pride and then they show up in a fresh and new way last night!!! We don't deserve to be loved and cherished like our friends and family are loving and cherishing us. If you think that we are that great....you should hang around me more! And not only do we not deserve it, it's not necessary. We will continue to move forward in life because that's our only option! And trust me...I'm still working through these not so beautiful feelings!! So...the funny story...and it was funny...it can make me laugh hysterically some moments...has another side to it! A not pretty part.

This is a live picture from my class today. Now...I was talking about the city of Jerusalem being an important city to many different religions and why in history. But...this picture communicates a thousand words to me right now based upon everything going on in life! What I don't fathom...is exactly how much God loves me! I have always said that God loves me. I don't think that love has penetrated to my heart! But...there's something very significant going on in my heart right now and that is God is teaching me a completely new level of how much He loves me! God's love is going to take root in my heart, the knowledge in my head will eventually be believed in my heart, and I can't even imagine what God is going to do with the lessons that He is teaching me through this season! Santas in empty parking lots, they may always make me a bit on the jumpy side though! And that Santa...I may never know in this world where he came from and may never know from whence his gifts came from...but my job is to remember how much God loves me! He loves me enough to stretch out his arms on a cross and die for me. Definitely undeserved!! But He loves me and not only does He love me enough to die for me, He loves me enough to send others to walk through some of the most difficult days of my life. I shall forever be thankful and will always carry with me this season in my heart. Now...this does not mean that I'm going to be a professional at asking for and receiving help! But I'm going to try to remember that God is doing a work in my life through this process and I want to learn everything He wants me to learn in this! I still want Him to heal but I definitely want to learn what He wants to teach me! Sounds a lot like a sermon I heard on Sunday!!! I hope you enjoyed my crazy Santa story. It was at first exceptionally scary! I was very uncertain about the Santa in the parking lot. It was quite humbling! It was quite hilarious as I try to tell my teenagers that there was a Santa in the parking lot when I couldn't even get words out! It was even more hilarious that my friend kept saying, Santa?? Really Santa?? And I would say yes really Santa...you know the guy in the red suit! It was such a God statement that my 5 year old made that touched my heart. It was so tender to hear my husband share his view of everything with our kids and me! His faith is so much stronger than mine sometimes! It is unimagineable what God is doing in my heart right now! And if you want to laugh, just come ask me to tell my Santa story! It will definitely make you laugh! But if you want your life to be changed, I hope my Santa story and what God is doing in my life will give you a glimpse into what He has done for you and what He would like to do in your heart! My season for now is that despite God not choosing to heal my husband, He is lavishing His love on me in unimaginable ways. And I am thankful! But what He wants to do in my life...He wants to do in yours too! Thanks for journeying with me through this story! One day, your comments I might use in my book if God ever gives me time to write!